Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Face Up! The Place for Our Problems


A wise person will always find a way.
Tanzanian Proverb

Problems, problems everywhere and sometimes not a solution to see.
My grandfather could ‘rig things up’— finding a method to make something we needed out of what was available in the house or yard. Wire hangers, string and glue were miracle items. He’d come up with a way to fix most things that were broken, even if he really didn’t know a lot about it.  I often watched him in those moments—thoughtful and determined.
            My mother got this know-how from her father. In running her household she created makeshift wheelbarrows or tools to get her hauling or yard work done. She’d even try a few wiring jobs or faucet fixes— getting them in a condition she could use for her purposes. My mother’s physical strength was also something to behold.  On visits to her house I’d notice that furniture would sometimes be in a different location than before and I wondered how it got from point A to B, knowing she was home alone. When asked she’d say, “I moved it by doing…” explaining her strategy. As Voltaire, the French philosopher stated,No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking.” My mother would give every challenge her best effort.
If anyone needed items repaired, she’d figure it out. I took broken pieces of luggage, flawed hemmed slacks and household knickknacks to her to make right. She’d touch the object and look it over. Then say, “Give me that thing, ay Lawd. Let me see here, Umph, Umph, Umph. Maybe I can do something with it.”
And yet my mother and grandfather both encountered situations that they alone couldn’t mend. Repair specialists would be called in.  Sometimes the thing to be fixed wasn’t an object but a money or personal matter. Those would just be what they were – another issue to play out at another time. Or there were some problems my grandfather and mother decided to let go of or turned them over to God to make a way.
I’ve tried my best to be a problem solver—sometimes that’s good, others not. When my mother was sick with leukemia, I hoped I could do something to make this situation better or go away. Busying myself by talking to her medical team, researching her condition and managing details in her home consumed me.  One day when I was in fixing mode my mother looked at me and said, “You can dot every i and cross every t, but you can’t fix this.” I sat stupefied and scared – not wanting to face the reality of what she said. My purposeful assault on her illness helped but would not repair. The solutions of her life were in the Lord’s plan and hand.
I had to learn what my grandfather and mother knew about some of this journey’s problems. My job was to sit back and let the Lord work it out according to His will. That’s the best way —always!
 What do we know about problems?

  • We will have them   
  • Some are relative
  • They travel together 
  • We have to think about them
  • Not all of them can be solved
  • Some fix themselves
  • Sometimes they set up shop for a while
  • Murphy’s Law stands
  • Some are harder than others
  • We need help with some of them
  • Pursue options
  • Consider the root cause
  • Know when to turn them over to someone greater than ourselves

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Friday, July 26, 2013

9 REMINDERS FOR FRESHMEN: About Life And the World

I starting putting college talk in my nephew’s head early on in his life. His journey started a bit tough, but as a doting and honest aunt, I could see he had potential.  So he did eventually graduate high school, taking control of his future. Below are the comments from a letter I wrote to him as he embarked on his first year in college. These words modeled the same advice that had been given me by my mother and other family as I began that sojourn into full adulthood; commencing! As we enter this season of parents sending their children off to first year of college, hopefully this list of ponderings is timely tested for readers to share with their freshmen.

1.   Talk to God daily. He “orders your steps.”  You know he has brought you out of many situations and you see the miracles he has done for you.  I can’t say enough of how proud I am of how you.

2.  Life requires work; not many things come about easily.  “If you take one step, God will take two.”   Have a plan for what you want to do while at school, your holiday breaks, and summers.

3.  Things won’t always happen the way you want them to and when you want them to. “God may not come when you want, but he’s always right on time.”  Don’t rush life.  Let things happen for you in their time.  Be your age!!  If you don’t, you wind up being bored because you’ve experienced “too much, too soon.”

4. Make decisions carefully and well thought out ones.  Get good accurate information from a variety of sources to help you determine what you want to do and how you want to be.  I know you’re hearing a lot of different things from other students and friends.  Hear it, but don’t believe everything you hear. Check out the real truth with facts. Be your own person with a solid understanding of your own opinions and perspectives.

5.  Life has its good times and bad times, fun times and boring times for everyone.  No situation or place is ever perfect.

6.  Flexibility and an open mind are important.  And it is ok to change your mind about things. However be aware of any consequences involved about those things you may change your mind about.  Particularly any negative consequences that involve finances, your reputation, or upset your future.

7.  Friendship is one of the greatest gifts of life.  So make friends based on trust, respect, and shared values. Those will last longer.  And I feel your friendships will be so important to you as you get older especially since you’re an only child, your friends may eventually become your family.

8.  Explore new hobbies and interests that have lifelong value as well as variety and can get you through the ups and downs of life whether you’re in good health or not, have money or not, have people to do things with or not.   Things I learned to do as a kid and while in college provide me with entertainment now.  I read when I can’t be outside, I bike when I want to enjoy the outdoors, like to play tennis and splash in the water, learning to play golf, enjoy talking to good friends on the phone, and as you know love to eat and enjoy dining out.

9. Remember, you are blessed, loved by God, family, and friends!!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Memorial Day: Honoring The Ancestors of a Different Battle

“I would fight for my liberty so long as my strength lasted, and if the time came for me to go, the Lord would let them take me.”
 
            My maternal grandfather, Joseph (Joe) Everett Parker, Sr., honored our history and this holiday in a different way.  On Memorial Day during the 1960s, the children of the family accompanied him on an ancestral voyage.  We went to the burial grounds of his parents and other relatives, some who were born slaves or in the reconstruction era. Here he honored their service. Because they had fought for racial freedom, persevering and sacrificing in the most horrid of conditions. I call them ‘old soldiers’ too, experienced on the battlefield of life.
            The grave sites were located way back off a rural road, some 15 miles or so from our home in Waverly Virginia.  In preparation for the trip my grandfather loaded up his tools to attend to the publicly neglected graves. At that time, black people could not be buried in our town’s cemetery. So most of the graves were located out in the "country" on traditional church grounds or old family sites. 
            As rather adventurous children who loved treats, we were excited about these outings with my grandfather for a couple of reasons. This was another chance to be away from home while enjoying the outside. And as part of this ritual my grandfather stopped at the local store and bought the makings for a good sandwich; bread, baloney, mayonnaise, and grape Nehi sodas—our favorite ‘poor folks’ snack.          
            Back then the significance of this cemetery ritual was lost on our young minds.  We watched my grandfather clear the weeds and wild growth from the place where his folks lay.  Delicately, he touched the mounds of dirt with his hoe or pitchfork, clearing the brush as he went about his task.  This was a sacred place. After the work was done, my grandfather bent his head.  He cried.  He prayed.  He paid homage to the souls of our kindred spirits.  In spite of his exhibits of strength and occasional “hell raising”, my grandfather was at times a very sentimental and emotional man. I value this understanding about my grandfather.
            Joe Parker’s sense of history and roots were firm and unknowingly he passed it down through the generations in a special way. I remember, this is an important part of our legacy. And I write about these unsung and enduring heroes whose acts of bravery in the enemy’s camp for humanity have made my progress so. They won!
 
Excerpted from my upcoming book, TOOLS TO CULTIVATE THE PROMISED LAND: Working Wisdom from My Grandparent’s Garden, October 2013
 
 
With my grandfather in 1982

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Writing: The # 1 Way to Review and Reconcile Your Life


 


What do we do with the memories of how we've navigated our different life stages? Some pleasantly, others not.  Is there a way to reflect and make peace with it all?

WRITE!  It's Cathartic, Freeing, Healing.

Find a place for your words, describe who you were and are, along with the people and experiences that have shaped you. Create your chronicles. It can be a help to others too.

When my mother passed from leukemia in March 2010, grieving swept me like a tsunami. Like many of us, the loss of a parent is one of those defining moments that changes everything. She was a determined single parent with humor and focus. Not that we didn't have our challenges, particularly as me being her oldest.  How could I come to a place of peace? Then I birthed a book, Navigating Life's Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey, claiming my mother as its spiritual co-author.  This publishing goal of 15 years came to be out of these intense emotions, and a fellow writer had shared that this was a good time to pen a memoir. The best teacher, life itself, had taught me much as an army veteran, cancer survivor and go-getter in spite of my family's poor, rural beginnings. For more information and to order a copy of this book on Createspace, see Navigating Life's Roadways



Keep it moving.

As I mentioned, writing has been on my radar for a while, so I discovered there were many pieces I'd put to paper over the years, in addition to poems, blogs and speeches.Gleaning lessons from my varied life stages such as watching the careful way in which my grandfather grew collard greens in my youth, to the emotions of seeing a fellow soldier and friend off to war for the first time, gave voice to my varied experiences. So now what to do with those?  Life is A Review, my new eBook is a compilation of those. Check it out!



I've spoken to many people in my work and personal life about the value of journalling, or just carrying a notebook. Which I see as an important first step if you're a writer or non-writer.  My advice, "Just get the words and energy out, it'll take shape when it's supposed to."

Many events in life are ordained, part of our purpose. Share them in your stories. Others have expressed how my triumphs as well as tragedies have given them permission to take a look back at their own lives in a different lens.  With a "me too" reaction, they appreciated in knowing they were not alone in their sufferings or successes.

The review of my journey continues.

Try it for yourself!   Review and Reconcile.


Monday, May 28, 2012

9 Tips for Grads: Things To Remember and Reinforce About Life

My nephew and I in 1993, planting the seeds for college

THINGS TO REMEMBER AND REINFORCE ABOUT LIFE: At College and In the World




I began putting college talk in my nephew’s head early on in his life. His journey started a bit tough, but as a doting and honest aunt, I could see he had potential. So he did eventually graduate high school, taking control of his future. Below are the comments from a letter I wrote to him as he embarked on his first year in college. These words modeled the same advice that had been given me by my mother and other family as I began that sojourn into full adulthood; commencing! As we enter this season of graduation celebrations, hopefully this is timely tested for readers to share with their graduates.

 


1.   Talk to God daily. He “orders your steps.”  You know he has brought you out of many situations and you see the miracles he has done for you.  I can’t say enough of how proud I am of how you turned things around your senior year and are at college.  You should be too. Your potential for doing and being good things is evident.

2.  Life requires work; not many things come about easily.  “If you take one step, God will take two.”   Have a plan for what you want to do while at school, your holiday breaks, and summers.

3.  Things won’t always happen the way you want them to and when you want them to. “God may not come when you want, but he’s always right on time.”  Don’t rush life.  Let things happen for you in their time.  Be your age!!  If you don’t, you wind up being bored because you’ve experienced “too much, too soon.”

4. Make decisions carefully and well thought out ones.  Get good accurate information from a variety of sources to help you determine what you want to do and how you want to be.  I know you’re hearing a lot of different things from other students and friends.  Hear it, but don’t believe everything you hear. Check out the real truth with facts. Be your own person with a solid understanding of your own opinions and perspectives.

5.  Life has its good times and bad times, fun times and boring times for everyone.  No situation or place is ever perfect. I know you think big cities like NY are great and they can be fun, but they’re not all they’re cracked up to be either.  It takes a lot of money to live and do things there and like anywhere else if you don’t have friends or family there big cities can be impersonal.

6.  Flexibility and an open mind important.  And it is ok to change your mind about things. However be aware of any consequences involved about those things you may change your mind about.  Particularly any negative consequences that involve finances, your reputation, or upset your future.

7.  Friendship is one of the greatest gifts of life.  So make friends based on trust, respect, and shared values. Those will last longer.  And I feel your friendships will be so important to you as you get older especially since you’re an only child, your friends may eventually become your family.

8.  Explore new hobbies and interests that have lifelong value as well as variety and can get you through the ups and downs of life whether you’re in good health or not, have money or not, have people to do things with or not.   Things I learned to do as a kid and while in college provide me with entertainment now.  I read when I can’t be outside, I bike when I want to enjoy the outdoors, like to play tennis and splash in the water, learning to play golf, enjoy talking to good friends on the phone, and as you know love to eat and enjoy dining out. 

9. Remember, you are blessed, loved by God, family, and friends!!

My nephew with his late grandmother at his college graduation in 2006


For more information on my book (Navigating Life's Roadways) and family, see navigatinglifesroadways.com or amazon.com

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Navigating! For Success in Life, Career and Business Pursuits: Dealing With Adversity: Anchor In Sometimes!

Navigating! For Success in Life, Career and Business Pursuits: Dealing With Adversity: Anchor In Sometimes!: And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation wor keth patience; And patience, experience; and experienc...

Dealing With Adversity: Anchor In Sometimes!




And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also:knowing that tribulation worketh patience;And patience, experience; and experience, hope. Romans 5:3-4


I learned a lot about dealing with adversity from my mother. A single parent of four children, she never complained and continued to take on what life sent her. Because of her stance, I was able to graduate from college in spite of our family hardships. I share some of what I learned from her in this radio interview on family issues and adversity.


Moving into adulthood I further discovered that life has its hardships as well as battles, of which most of us get assigned to. Or I thought some didn’t and used to envy those people whose lives seemed to go through the right stages at the right time. Whole birth family, graduating school, getting married, securing careers, having kids — all done by age... everything seemed perfect. No ugly surprises restricted their life passages. Now what I know is that even though tribulations tug at our sanity, there are many personal ‘gets’ from seemingly unfavorable situations. Tough times can provide insight into such questions as:
  • Am I still roadworthy?
  • Did I gain some lessons from this struggle?
  • How would I score myself in this life test?
  • What does this say about my life’s navigational chart?
Sometimes we need these trying experiences.  My faith has sustained me through many tribulations. There’s an expression reminding us that “A dose of adversity is often as needful as a dose of medicine.” The wisdom and growth that comes from those undesirable moments can put us out to sail on, ‘being all we can be’. Temporarily being cast into hardship can deepen our resolve and strengthen us as go from storm to shore. Drop into it adversity. Don’t drift away.

More can be found on how I've handled adversity in my motivational memoir: Navigating Life's Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey, available on amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/Navigating-Lifes-Roadways-Stories-Inspiration/dp/1453849858/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top