Navigating Life's Mountains and Valleys

Out hiking in 1982

Not sure what 2017 will bring but know that with God's help, I can climb every mountain! And every valley provides its own type of lessons.  Through it all I know who I can depend on to guide me in navigating strong...A  GPS of God Provided Safety!

Finding Life's Road to Realization

March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life’s path.

Kahil Gibran

            “Life is difficult.” In Dr. M. Scott Peck’s well known book, The Road Less Traveled, this is the first sentence. Startling at first glance, but when we think about these words, it’s very true.  Dr. Peck goes on to say that once we accept this fact, life becomes less difficult because this fact no longer matters.

            Keep going ISO (In Spite of).

            We then focus on the many roads ahead, knowing as we proceed on our odyssey that some truths will become evident. One such truth is that we ourselves sometimes get in our own way and create difficulty. Other times we show out brilliantly, handling our business. Hard stuff happens and none of us are immune. Wonderful times roll around and we all get to celebrate.

            Most of life actualizes somewhere in the middle and that is where we learn—traveling on what appears to be a ‘long and winding’ road.

             I’ve (literally) broken down on the road yet found inspiration in the words of a gospel song that relates, “Nobody told me the road would be easy; I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me.”  These words help me to recognize and use my IPS (Internal Positioning System) more.

            What I’ve come to terms with on this journey we call life is that I have experienced a lot and will experience much more. This range of events has presented many emotions for me, reflective of things I’ve missed and things I’ve cherished. I’m sometimes lonely for a mate, yet proud of what God has allowed me to accomplish. I lament relationships that fell into dysfunction, yet relish those that remain in alignment. I revel in joy over family rites of passage and sometimes sink in sorrow over those who’ve transitioned to be with the Lord. I’ve learned that you can’t always count on those closest to you, but strangers of immense kindness will pass along your way.

            At either end of this spectrum, coping is what we do. We learn how to wipe out and negotiate and handle what’s thrown our way—it’s the Navigator’s mission. Facing the fact that no one roadway will put us exactly where we would like to be, we internalize this tough lesson. With no guarantees for happiness, we reach for it where we can find it. Oftentimes we’ve heard others say (or have thought to ourselves), "If I get this or that then I'll be happy." Trying to keep up with others in current lifestyle trends usually leads to temporary satisfaction, but an ultimate return to dissatisfaction. The important thing is to keep our focus and be optimistic even in the most challenging of times. Where we are is where we are. 

            Understand that the roads of life are best paved with managed expectations.

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBookhttp://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

Emerge! Tunneling Out of Life's Trials

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

Japanese proverb

 

            It was one of those phone calls that are forever date-stamped in your mind.

            December 8, 2006 at about 4:00 p.m.

            I’m leaving a gas station near my home and my cell phone rings. It’s my mother. She rarely calls my cell phone so I’m a little alarmed.

            “Am’s house burned down,” she says. “I have the kids in the car with me and they’re crying. Thank God nobody was hurt. They weren’t at home when it happened.”

            Shock settles in.

            This is my youngest brother’s (nickname Am) brand new home. His family had been in there for less than six months. Everyone had gotten up that morning and gone off to work or school. My brother received a call from the fire department around 2:00 p.m. There’s been a fire at your house – it’s a bad one.

            The devastation of coming home and seeing the residence they left intact earlier in the day—with a car still parked in the garage—smoldering from the flames, took an infernal like toll on them. Just thinking about what this experience would be like paints an awful picture for anyone.

            How do you move past that surreal visual?  

            The family literally had only the clothes on their backs. No toothbrushes, valuables destroyed. Family documents, memorabilia, photographs—all gone. They continued to go through the dark holes of necessary and inevitable motions and emotions.

            Is there a path out of this smoky trap?

            An outpouring of support from family, neighbors, friends and church members made its way to them. Money, gift cards and clothing helped them meet immediate needs. Lots of prayers and words of encouragement held them up as they dealt with this plight.

            The next steps were finding a temporary place to stay, dealing with the insurance company and a host of other unpleasant tasks. The emotional needs of the family were a continuous priority for all of us. Comforting conversations with my nieces, brother and sister-in-law were difficult, but necessary. They continued to muddle through—looking for signs that things would soon normalize. Within six months an intact foundation, in spite of the fire, allowed the house to be rebuilt. They made some modifications from the old design that were actually better for some aspects of their family life. In time, they came out of this ordeal tested but with a testimony.

            Trials engulf our sense of security—temporarily. "Trouble don't last always" one of my favorite gospel songs goes. Decisive and strategic digging is what's needed to get us through combustible tunnels with these troubles on every side. Let’s get up and put out the energy to overcome, staring at our trials with a fiery focus.

            Emerging from dark passages with our flashlights, let’s keep looking for new gifts of brightness in solid and sure openings.

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

Charting Your Life Journey: An Odyssey of Lessons

 Even his griefs are a joy long after to one that remembers all that he wrought and endured.
Homer, The Odyssey

 

When I was in undergraduate school I took a course in Greek Literature. It was not my favorite subject, but I did find myself fascinated with some of the writings—in particular The Odyssey by Homer. The term “odyssey” continued to show up in my life through other readings or programs. And as I’ve gotten older, I found that this word appropriately describes acts of my life’s journey.

            The Random House Dictionary defines an odyssey as "any long series of wanderings, especially when filled with notable experiences, hardships, etc."  For those who may not be familiar with Homer’s piece, it chronicles the journey, setbacks and protection of its warrior main character, Odysseus.

 As in the expression ‘art imitates life,’ many others may be able to identify with the lessons of this epic tale. If not The Odyssey, there’s Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, The Lion King or many other foundational life stories on traveling roads, falling down, facing who we are and getting back home, while reflecting on the interactions with the people we’ve met along the way. Writings on faith, spirituality and religion enlighten us to some of the same messages.

In thinking about our own encounters or events, we realize that in sometimes mysterious yet circuitous ways, these messages serve to shape and mold us much like the characters of these works. Understanding the past is most times a key element in making sense of the present. As we celebrate and prosper, suffer and learn or rise and fall through these ordeals, we come into what is the beauty along with the complexity of our earthly existence. Usually that takes time. 

 

 

This world we travel presents paths with faults, barrenness and cracks while also offering its bounty of growing seasons, plants and flowers. The seasons will change and so will the conditions. We trek across this land encountering people and places, sometimes stopping and restarting. Moving through phases of our odyssey at given points we may ask: Where am I?  We look at where we’ve traveled and ask: What’s behind me?  Is this the best way ahead? What’s before me?  Side trips will take us into new territory, providing new ground and spaces to explore. We’ll cross and burn bridges. Our thoughts may also focus on places to avoid. We may even ask which stops are necessary.

I encourage each of us to explore our own odyssey and the lessons that lie within, even from our various forms of grief. The yield for our future can be tremendous!

 

 

 

 

Finding Your Internal Positioning System (IPS): What’s Ingrained In You? | Great Black Speakers

Finding Your Internal Positioning System (IPS): What’s Ingrained In You? | Great Black Speakers

Be Tenacious! Ride the Trail of Life's Winds

Tough Times Never last, But Tough People Do!

Title of a book by Revered Robert H. Schuller

On a bike ride on top of a volcano in Maui, 2001

"Hold on!"

            As wild bicycle riders, my play gang during my youth and I would yell these words to each other as we circled the house—jumping ditches or mudholes, cruising over  rocks, knocking over playmates—or anything else in our way—peddling our ‘no speeds’ as hard as we could.  We were usually doubled up on the bike— one doing the leg work while standing— the other one perched on the seat, holding the other's waist, head, arms, or whatever provided the firmest grip. Occasionally, a third person would hop on, riding the handlebar or a rear wheel seat. Fierce and focused for big fun, we rode that limited but challenging route around the house on the bicycle, since we were not allowed to venture out into the road. Occasionally one of us would try to show off and take both hands off of the handlebars…and then everyone fell down. 

            I continued to enjoy biking and at one time lived close to an extensive and intermittently demanding trail in Alexandria VA. The trail’s proximity to the Potomac River brought beauty and peace to the ride for me. However, on windy days this location was particularly challenging. Headwinds coming off the river prevailed, slowing my ride and causing me to hold on tighter when I reached dangerous curves and downhills. I was concerned about falling because in spots the trail was further surrounded by miry marsh and rocky deep ditches. My helmet offered some protection and I shifted gears as necessary to negotiate the path. Those were not times or places for any tricks like riding with my hands off the handle bars. Paying attention to these moments, the call for me was to still ‘hold on’.

            The trails of life can yield weighty winds and stumbling stones, but being steadfast can help us to ride them out. ‘That which doesn’t kill us can make us stronger.’ Let’s maximize our motions. With our protections of faith, creativity and a firm foundation of focus— we can do it. 

            Another one of my favorite gospel songs tells me, ‘Just like a tree that's planted by the water, I shall not be moved.’

            Our talents provide a framework of protection for us to peddle hard on the journey.

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

3rd Anniversary of Publishing My Autobiography, Navigating Life's Roadways - Interview

Three years ago today, July 19, 2011, Navigating Life's Roadways was published and I added the title AUTHOR to my bio!  In print and Kindle on Amazon  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE 

Fight Your Fears: The Freeway to Victory

It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.

Aesop

Getting promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, US Army Reserve in 1998

 On this 70th anniversary of D-Day we honor the bravery, valor for those in the quest for ultimate victory -freedom!

I think we should all find those moments everyday - as life presents it's own type of battles.  Where do we find this grit, the hardcore guts of courage to keep going in spite of inevitable challenge and adversity?And master our own fears? I'm reminded of my own times of facing fear and eventually conquering fear, especially when I joined the army.

            "Uncle Sam doesn't really care about your fears!" barked my drill sergeant—a phrase I vividly recall from my first days in the Army.

            Arriving for basic training at Fort Jackson South Carolina on a hot June day in 1978, I was immediately assigned as a squad leader in the 4th platoon. My drill sergeant knew I wanted to go to Officer Candidate School (OCS) so here was my chance to get ready for leadership. All of a sudden the concerns and issues of nine other scared and confused young women were mine. I was going through my own shock and socialization into the Army way of life and now I was to guide and help others through the transition as well. The physical, emotional and mental challenges were many; all of us wondering if we'd made the right decision and if we could survive the demands of a military structure. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this situation. There was much to absorb—and fast.  

            What do I do? 

            During the six weeks of basic training at Fort Jackson I kept asking myself, What is the worst thing that can happen? My goal of going to OCS was uppermost in my mind and it kept me listening for messages of strength and success. I also built on my watchful experience with my siblings as an oldest child, finding ways to keep us focused and out of trouble. Asserting myself when necessary, assessing what my squad needed and then assisting them as best I could kept my mind brave. I had to close the afraid gap by taking steps to fix the problems. In the end my squad stayed intact, good relationships were formed and we all graduated. A mission was now completed, readying me for the next phase of my military service.

            I had gotten up close and personal to this FEAR.

            What is fear? False Evidence Appearing Real.

            Sometimes our apprehension has to be put in perspective. Yes it's healthy to be a little afraid, as fear can invoke good judgment. And there are some things to be anxious about when it comes to safety, crime or health challenges. Most importantly though, we can't let fear overwhelm or freeze us into inaction.

            Let’s have the right arsenal of confidence and faith ready and at our fingertips—use them free and fast. Then claim a personal victory!

 

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

 

Deborah L. Parker | Black History Story | The African Americans: Many Rivers to Cross | PBS

Deborah L. Parker | Your Story | The African Americans: Many Rivers to Cross | PBS

Navigate Strong! Finding Your Life's Road of Reality

March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life’s path.

Kahil Gibran

 

            “Life is difficult.” In Dr. M. Scott Peck’s well known book, The Road Less Traveled, this is the first sentence. Startling at first glance, but when we think about these words, it’s very true.  Dr. Peck goes on to say that once we accept this fact, life becomes less difficult because this fact no longer matters.

            Keep going ISO (In Spite of).

            We then focus on the many roads ahead, knowing as we proceed on our odyssey that some truths will become evident. One such truth is that we ourselves sometimes get in our own way and create difficulty. Other times we show out brilliantly, handling our business. Hard stuff happens and none of us are immune. Wonderful times roll around and we all get to celebrate.

            Most of life actualizes somewhere in the middle and that is where we learn—traveling on what appears to be a ‘long and winding’ road.

             I’ve (literally) broken down on the road yet found inspiration in the words of a gospel song that relates, “Nobody told me the road would be easy; I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me.”  These words help me to recognize and use my IPS (Internal Positioning System) more.

            What I’ve come to terms with on this journey we call life is that I have experienced a lot and will experience much more. This range of events has presented many emotions for me, reflective of things I’ve missed and things I’ve cherished. I’m sometimes lonely for a mate, yet proud of what God has allowed me to accomplish. I lament relationships that fell into dysfunction, yet relish those that remain in alignment. I revel in joy over family rites of passage and sometimes sink in sorrow over those who’ve transitioned to be with the Lord. I’ve learned that you can’t always count on those closest to you, but strangers of immense kindness will pass along your way.

            At either end of this spectrum, coping is what we do. We learn how to wipe out and negotiate and handle what’s thrown our way—it’s the Navigator’s mission. Facing the fact that no one roadway will put us exactly where we would like to be, we internalize this tough lesson. With no guarantees for happiness, we reach for it where we can find it. Oftentimes we’ve heard others say (or have thought to ourselves), "If I get this or that then I'll be happy." Trying to keep up with others in current lifestyle trends usually leads to temporary satisfaction, but an ultimate return to dissatisfaction. The important thing is to keep our focus and be optimistic even in the most challenging of times. Where we are is where we are. 

 

            Understand that the roads of life are best paved with managed expectations.

 

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

 

 

Be Victorious! Find Your Village to Celebrate

 

If there is no struggle, there is no progress.

Frederick Douglass, Abolitionist

Celebrating victory at my first book signing in July 2011

 

            The paths we’ve trod tell our stories of triumph and we should tell them one by one, stride by stride. Whatever these stories are— no matter how big or small, they are ours.

             When I wrote my autobiography Navigating Life's Roadways, the anecdotes from my childhood and adult experiences reveal a plethora of  my struggles and successes. For instance, because I was raised in a house with no indoor bathroom or running water, it was certainly a glorious moment when I had a toilet inside the same place I lived. Now I even have a few. The flush is a win! My first job as a dishwasher at the cafe in my hometown of Waverly Virginia paid fifty cents an hour and now I make a little more than that! (Although between my schedule and the hours I keep being self-employed, there is no doubt there may be times when I still make fifty cents an hour!)

            At our family gatherings we laugh and reflect on the extremely difficult challenges of our past and revel in the at times not-as-difficult skirmishes of today. As the expression goes, “It’s all relative.” 

            Most of us can glance back and be in awe of the conquests made within our community of family and friends. Kids graduated. Promotions came. Cancer went into remission. Grandchildren finally arrived. Wrongly accused were exonerated. Churches were joined. Houses bought. Loans came through. Good jobs came along. Car started—again. Checks are in the mail. Opportunities are open. Laws passed. Times changed.

            I stop and rejoice in the overcoming—reaffirming the progress in our gathered and appointed places.

 

            We have earned the right to stand back and admire our fortitude. After all, finding the way forward requires much effort.

 

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

 

Break Away! Lightening Our Life Baggage

Wherefore seeing we are compassed about with so
great a cloud of witnesses,let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us,
and let us run with patience the race set before us.

                                                                Hebrews 12:1

 

            I love to travel—a goal of mine being to explore as many of the world’s seven continents as possible. When wanderlust strikes, I look at the globe my mother gave me for Christmas years ago, asking myself, where to next? Once I decide, as any road warrior knows, careful packing and preparation for the trip are critical to match the right wardrobe to the trip’s intent. However, packing is still an area in which I need work. It takes me days to get my clothes and other items together—even for short trips. Seems like the older I get, putting the essential things in my luggage is more challenging— that list having expanded due to my need for more of a variety of items to attend to the signs of aging’s gifts.

              My ‘living large’ episode of packing came when I went on a three-month jaunt to Europe back in late 1986. The purpose of this journey was ‘to find myself,’ after leaving the army and two corporate jobs. Maybe some clarity would come to my life as I traversed the “old country” minus some of the daily pressures of work for a while.

            Organizing my packing list for the trip was a nightmare— as I tortured myself by continually thinking, what if I don’t take this and can’t find it in a foreign country, or the price may be three times what I would pay for it at home.  Trying to minimize the space-taker bulky pieces was also a challenge. Since the time of my excursion bordered the seasons of late fall entering winter, this meant I needed coats and sweaters—but how many or how heavy was reasonable?    

           My luggage of choice was an old Army duffle bag—good for cramming in numerous articles of clothing in its flexible fabric’s design. Then I decided another suitcase was needed for my overflow. Now the question, how would I carry these big pieces? I forgot that I would be lugging these bags through European airports, train stations, hotels and the houses of gracious friends and relatives. This was before the onslaught of rolling luggage options so you really got a workout grabbing and heaving your bags. Weight restrictions for checked bags and height-design limitations for carry-on pieces weren’t in place then either so it really was a ‘bring it all’ mindset.   Fortunately, my youngest brother was stationed in Italy and my sister along with others I knew were stationed throughout Germany. They all allowed me to leave luggage at their houses to lighten my cargo. Or as I shopped and added to my belongings, there were other things I decided to leave behind. Carrying too much baggage would’ve been cumbersome and diminished the joy of my trip. 

            And so it is on our journeys in life.

I’ve picked up trunks of good and bad experiences at various stops on my odyssey. Satchels of safety and love have kept my spirit in check at times but sent me spiraling into the emotional danger zone too.  Cases of career skills have provided opportunities for me to use passion and practicality in my work yet leave me on a low financial plain occasionally. I’ve carried on pieces of other folks’ issues when I should’ve left them behind.  In moving forward I think about the song “Ease on Down the Road” from the production of The Wiz which advises, “Don’t you carry nothing that might be a load.”

            How do we ‘shed the stuff’ that holds us back; that robs us of a lighter sense of peace? 

            Do we just keep piling it on, thinking every day is winter and we need the heavy things?

            Is there a (safe) place to leave it? What’s the cost if we don’t let go and trust?

            First we release to make space. Unpacking and leaving those experiences behind that only drag us down can unencumber our journey. Then we repack for better days. As the slogan for the New Year goes: ‘Out with the old and in with the new.’ This situates us for the next blessings in store. God and a host of angels are watching and cheering us on to get those blessings. We don’t have to lift our baggage alone. Faith gives us a place to unload. It’s located everywhere.

            Clear the load and travel lightly on in the races ahead. Identifying porters to help us can give us an extra boost when we need one. Run on!
 

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE

 

Ride On! Overcoming Obstacles Along Life’s Roadways | Great Black Speakers

Ride On! Overcoming Obstacles Along Life’s Roadways | Great Black Speakers

Letdown Lessons: A Way to Land Up!

Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick,

but a sudden good break can turn life around.

Proverbs 13: 12

 

 People disappoint. Situations don’t always turn out the way we’d like. Folks don’t always do right or treat you right. Family and others take advantage. Whether it’s a friend reneging on a promise, a client cancelling an engagement, a manager not following through on a personnel action or a family member not living up to expectations— these occurrences can sear your soul. Disappointment can shake the foundation of trust and sometimes dealing with it is hard.

            It’s also difficult to explain these types of emotional jabs that come with the territory of our trek to kids, but we must try.

            My youngest niece wanted to have a 13^th birthday party in August of 2010 and posted her invitation on Facebook. Only a few friends responded ‘yes’ and when they saw that others weren’t coming, they withdrew their responses to attend.

            She cancelled the party.

            Upset, my niece then went on Facebook the afternoon the party would’ve happened and saw that some of the invited kids were online. She was very hurt, posting comments to that effect and lashed out angrily. If they were online that meant they weren’t busy and could have come to the party. The reasons why some of the kids couldn’t attend were probably varied, but it didn’t matter to her. This was a huge disappointment at a special yet challenging time in her life. Turning 13 is a big deal, marking the teenage transition. This disappointment added to the loss of her “Nanny's sunset” a few months earlier—those emotions still tugging at her heart’s core—made this even tougher on her. I tried to encourage her and she put up a brave front. We also talked about her comments in reaction to the disappointment on Facebook. I pointed out that a forum as large as Facebook was probably not the best place to vent and suggested she put her special emotional thoughts in her journal instead.

            How will we settle our spirits after disappointment? 

            Thoughts such as “well, it happens”, “this too shall pass”, “I may be down but not out” or “every dog has his day” may provide some temporary relief. In my niece’s situation, the venting of her feelings served a purpose—she got the emotions out. I also encouraged her to think about the lessons her “Nanny” had shared with her about growing up. I wanted to support her during this time of need so I gave her a birthday card with a monetary gift enclosed in memory of her grandmother and I took her on a day trip to Virginia Beach. She was elated over my gestures. We had a fun aunt-niece day at the beach. Nothing like playing in the ocean to wash our sorrows off— we both needed it. When we got back from our trip my niece wrote on Facebook about her “awesome time” at the beach.

            After school started my niece took another step forward to shake off the birthday disappointment; she ran for and won an election for eighth grade class senator. 

            You go, girl!

           

            When we feel letdown, wait for the energy to mount up and conquer. The sun will rise again!

Excerpted from my motivational autobiography, Navigating Life’s Roadways: Stories of Insight from My Odyssey and Inspiration for Your Journey in print and Kindle eBook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDPYE